(no subject)

I slept about 9 1/2 hours last night. What a complete surprise. I couldn't believe it when I looked at the clock. It did mean that I slept though a call I was expecting.

Also had a dream last night about Jan. The dream was really replaying a real moment in time with her. it was a period of time about 2 years into our relationship. It was very warm and tender. Filled completely, unreservedly with love.

This morning, I miss her.

(no subject)

I use the word "trust" the way most people use it. The common definition isn't really how I think about trust, though. The common definition is about faith. "I believe what you say and I believe that you will keep you implicit and explicit promises."

( long with many different emotions rising and setting throughout )

This entry is aimed more or less at a two people who don't read this (or any other) journal.

I'm dumping ballast so I don't run aground as I pass over the shoals. It is partly an emotional zinc to prevent damage to my hull. (boat metaphors are for you, fish!)

And, yes, the folks this is aimed at are going to be hearing from me. But now I can talk to them while standing in a pool of love rather than a pot of boiling oil.

A couple of people are trying very hard to enroll me in their crap and trying to have me be responsible for it. They are going to shortly be told to stop contacting me. I don't mind giving away a little free coaching from time to time, but I am not interested in being someone full time crutch. I am not going to try and fix anyone. Period. If you want that, find a therapist.

(no subject)

Since I'm in the mood to dump ballast. :)

I am, at this moment, resenting the SELP. It's so I can avoid being responsible for my own promises. :)

Being a coach takes a lot of time, but a head coach takes more. I'm not sure how Tamara makes it work to be a leader. I suppose I'll find out.

In any case, I'm have an integrity crisis, I'm finding that I want to accept invitations that conflict with my existing commitments to the SELP.

I'm not being very responsible about it right now.

There, now that conversation is out of my head and into the world. I can get off this "don't care" pogo stick.

Whew. :)

(no subject)

I've been working hard to ignore the news. Why? Most of it isn't really news by any definition I use. And it certainly isn't "News [I] can use."

And I'm quite sure that the few organizations I belong to and my local activist contacts will let me know when there is something that governments are doing that I should know about.

This morning I got an email from the Director of the Human Relations Council of the City of San Diego concerning two bills (identical bills introduced in the House and the Senate) that are being pushed by George W. Bush. More or less quietly pushed. S 89 and HR 163, titled Universal National Service Act.

Yes, Virginia. The draft is back. All US citizens, men and women, between 18 and 26 will be required to perform two years of national defence work as directed by the President of the United States. The military gets first pick. If the military doesn't want you, you get to serve in some program that the President deems worthy.

Isn't that special.

I was not drafted in 1969. I joined. I spent 20 years in the US Navy. The early part of that was under a system that included the draft but most did not include a draft. Service, as difficult as it was, was less difficult with volunteer soldiers. Far less difficult.

The draft is a VERY bad idea.

I'm all for the government persuading young men and women that providing 2 years of service is a wonderful thing to do for one's country is an honorable thing to do. I am NOT for any government action that has at the heart of it, a total disregard for the rights of individuals. At it's heart, the draft is just another form of abuse. Something George W. Bush and his administration is practiced at.

Write your Senators and Representatives today.

(no subject)

Everyday, for several days now, pdi and I have gone out for afternoon walks. They have lasted from an hour to an hour and a half. The longer ones have included a brief stop part way through.

I knew walking would be exercise of some amount, but I didn't realize that we would actually step out as such a pace that my heart rate would go up. Yay for "serious exercise."

I am pleased that my commitment to fitness is actually causing me to take actions. This is a good thing. A very good thing.

love.

I was gonnna, but...

This meme is running around my friends list right now.

"If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal."

However there are a lot of people I think about all the time. So, I'll play in the meme by having it not mean the expected thing.

If there many people you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

I am not romantically obsession over anyone, though. No True Love and Ethernal Happiness Chemicals or New Relationship Energy (NRE) happening. There are just a lot of people I love in my thoughts.

No, I don't think I'm cheating, I just defining my rule for this game. :)