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I've toyed with the notion of sacrifice for a number of years. And when I have discussions about it, most people who have stated the goodness of sacrificing for another have provided short term examples in which the other was grateful and everyone felt better.
There is certainly validity in the concept of sharing what one has. Most religions demand that one person go out of his or her way to assist others in their times of need. And most people will go through great sacrifice in certain situations.
One example that always comes to mind is the sacrifice Americans made for the "war effort" of World War II.
In all the examples I can think of or that I have heard, though, it didn't seem like burden to the folks giving something up. Why?
Sacrifice for a common goal or help someone in need doesn't feel like a burden because there is intrinsic and extrinsic reward that raises the feeling of community or belong.
Sacrifice that goes unacknowledged by one's community or by the recipients can very well feel like a burden after a short time. People make these kinds of sacrifices all the time. And they suffer for it all the time. The worst of these kinds are the sacrifices that are unwanted. Giving up something in favor of another person who is indifferent to the sacrifice is hard to take.
It is the unfulfilled expectation of appreciation that can really drive one into fits of sadness and depression.
Parenting can be fraught with this. Expecting our kids to be grateful for all the sacrifice we have made can't lead anywhere good. From the kids point of view, what the have and get is just the way it's suppose to be. They don't see parental sacrifice.
Kids take their environment for granted and do not understand the sacrifice it can take to get them from diapers through college. On the other hand, almost all people take their environment for granted.
Making a sacrifice for those who do not wish it or cannot see it is really problematic.
There is certainly validity in the concept of sharing what one has. Most religions demand that one person go out of his or her way to assist others in their times of need. And most people will go through great sacrifice in certain situations.
One example that always comes to mind is the sacrifice Americans made for the "war effort" of World War II.
In all the examples I can think of or that I have heard, though, it didn't seem like burden to the folks giving something up. Why?
Sacrifice for a common goal or help someone in need doesn't feel like a burden because there is intrinsic and extrinsic reward that raises the feeling of community or belong.
Sacrifice that goes unacknowledged by one's community or by the recipients can very well feel like a burden after a short time. People make these kinds of sacrifices all the time. And they suffer for it all the time. The worst of these kinds are the sacrifices that are unwanted. Giving up something in favor of another person who is indifferent to the sacrifice is hard to take.
It is the unfulfilled expectation of appreciation that can really drive one into fits of sadness and depression.
Parenting can be fraught with this. Expecting our kids to be grateful for all the sacrifice we have made can't lead anywhere good. From the kids point of view, what the have and get is just the way it's suppose to be. They don't see parental sacrifice.
Kids take their environment for granted and do not understand the sacrifice it can take to get them from diapers through college. On the other hand, almost all people take their environment for granted.
Making a sacrifice for those who do not wish it or cannot see it is really problematic.
no subject
It is quite true that growing up I was not aware of the various sacrifices my parents made so that I could have the enironment I did. I grew up in a very stable and loving environment. I am most fortunate for that.
However, now in my later life, I am fully aware of the sacrifices made by my parents over the years. I've been aware for some time and have always acknowledged that the biggest reason I am where I am in my life is that they helped me to get here. I've told this to them and to anyone with whom this conversation comes up.
Delayed appreciation, yes. Your point is still valid to a point. Somewhere along the way some people who seemed to not appreciate you will suddenly realize all you've done for them without asking for anything in return. Hopefully while they can still express that appreciation to you.
no subject
huh. not to me. it's still a bloody burden. even if people are appreciative and grateful, a sacrifice by definition means i am giving something up that matters to me; the burden is built-in. and since i don't do it for the gratitude, but for the effect, it doesn't really matter whether people thank me (i sometimes do it anonymously, so as to not even bring that factor into the equation).
as long as i do so freely, i see nothing wrong with sacrifice.
i also see a difference between expecting gratefulness versus acknowledgment from people who've benefitted from one's sacrifice. especially in the case of children one can't always consult as to whether they wish it, *snicker*. i think it's a bad idea to expect gratitude, but reasonable people will manage acknowledgment, and i think it's a sign of a person with an entitlement problem if zie takes everything zie's gotten for granted. i've seen plenty of wrongheadedness when people talk about sacrificing for their children, but i've also seen the reality of decent people doing so, and it's not a bad thing for children to learn about. IMO it's part of a healthy society that one doesn't always just look out for #1.