Breakthroughs aren't always pleasant

[outlier_lynn]

To each and all who have felt a little odd around me or reading my journal of late...

I am sooo sorry. sigh.

I discovered that righteousness and arrogance had inhabited my body once again.

I have banished them to the bit.

Comments

[scixual.livejournal.com]

...

I thougth *I* was channeling righteousness and arrogance lately.

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that conversation expands pretty easily. We have probably been feeding each other.

I've been playing the "more highly evolved" game lately. I've been unknowingly expecting gratitude from devoted followers. When that expectation isn't met (like never!) I use righteousness and arrogance to hide loneliness. It's a nifty little vicious circle.

Like the old song lyric: "You can't have one... No you can't have one.... without the other."

I'm declaring that dance over. The music has stopped. Time to sit down. :)

I know it has affected the way I interact with Aeire and Graveyard in a negative way. I think you and I have been reinforcing it in each other. I know it has shown up in my coaching calls -- it even works sometimes.!

Re:

[scixual.livejournal.com]

Duly noted.

Duly noted.

Thank you.

[firecat]

*hug*

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Hugs are always welcome.

The really cool thing I have learned to do in the last couple of years is to notice when I'm not playing a full game. Noticing when I am hiding out or covering something up.

It certainly has made life any easier (I have to clean up the messes I make), but it has made life a hell of a lot more fun.

This is just one of those times. I learned to be arrogant and righteous as a defense and used them for years. Both are a part of my default identity and they show up when I am confronted by anything that I don't want to deal with. They are the big red flag that let's me know I am hiding out or scared of something.

It's cool to notice these ways of being (and a few others) because they give me access to finding what ever it is that has me completely stopped in some or all of my life. I have way more alive and present time than I used to.

Love,
Lynn

[firecat]

Yay!