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I've been steadily working at standing in a place of "empty and meaningless" and "nothing is wrong" so that I can create my future starting from right now rather than trying to fix something in the past.
It is the position that what is so right now is the baseline from which one measures progress along a path. And the picture of "right now" has to constantly be updated to mean right now.
It is very easy to see when I am stopped on any front when I do that successfully.
This has been a year, though, of standing in and on my head. I've been standing in a place where I am empty and meaningless and trying to create me as my future. That just flat doesn't work. It is bound up with changing what has been wrong in the past such that the right now is right. Changing the past is doomed from the outset.
And it has all been hidden from me under layers of Landmark jargon -- I have been a smart rat.
In Landmark there is a great little distinction called "Commitment versus Attachment." And I have been attached to a particular outcome. Attached like it's a life or death situation.
And that has really been my entire year. Attached. I have been fighting very, very hard to not be alone. I have never been so "not alone" in my entire life and still I'm fighting. Exactly when did I think I was going to give that one up?
Now, I think. Now would be good. :)
Life is is what happens; not what happened. And tonight is VJ's very first New Year.
People who I know love me 'cause they have told me so and I believe them:
Amy, Joe, Scix, Eric, Michelle, Jim, Donna, Bonnie, Heather, Greg, Sher, Dell, Lynn, Dan, Amala, Pat, Stan, Janet, Norma Jo, Willi, Tamara, Suzette, Peter, Michael, Dana, Danna, Peter, Sarah, Dave, Jonathan, Suzanne, Barbara, Felicia, Julie, David, Piglet, Stef and Alix.
How can I possibly be alone?
It is the position that what is so right now is the baseline from which one measures progress along a path. And the picture of "right now" has to constantly be updated to mean right now.
It is very easy to see when I am stopped on any front when I do that successfully.
This has been a year, though, of standing in and on my head. I've been standing in a place where I am empty and meaningless and trying to create me as my future. That just flat doesn't work. It is bound up with changing what has been wrong in the past such that the right now is right. Changing the past is doomed from the outset.
And it has all been hidden from me under layers of Landmark jargon -- I have been a smart rat.
In Landmark there is a great little distinction called "Commitment versus Attachment." And I have been attached to a particular outcome. Attached like it's a life or death situation.
And that has really been my entire year. Attached. I have been fighting very, very hard to not be alone. I have never been so "not alone" in my entire life and still I'm fighting. Exactly when did I think I was going to give that one up?
Now, I think. Now would be good. :)
Life is is what happens; not what happened. And tonight is VJ's very first New Year.
People who I know love me 'cause they have told me so and I believe them:
Amy, Joe, Scix, Eric, Michelle, Jim, Donna, Bonnie, Heather, Greg, Sher, Dell, Lynn, Dan, Amala, Pat, Stan, Janet, Norma Jo, Willi, Tamara, Suzette, Peter, Michael, Dana, Danna, Peter, Sarah, Dave, Jonathan, Suzanne, Barbara, Felicia, Julie, David, Piglet, Stef and Alix.
How can I possibly be alone?
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