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...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
It's difficult in this case, but I'll get there.
In my first marriage, I formed an expectation based on the shared and created future. As it became clear the future wasn't going to unfold as we had described, I had two options. I could have dropped or, at least, revised my expectations to align with my new understanding of my Ex. I could have. I didn't. What I did instead was push and prod her in a futile effort to have her conform to who she said she was.
It was futile because she had no relationship to the pretend life of her words. Especially the pretend words of her future view. And it was the pretend words that created the person I fell in love with. When she turned out to be someone else, I struggled to be in love. I just wasn't.
I expect I am not all that aligned with who I say I am. I have feet of clay, also. It is good to remember that about me and about others.
In Dune, the Hero says a little prayer that starts: Fear is the mind killer. So, too, are expectations. And my hubris. Here I am thinking I know someone because of what they say and how I hear it. When am I going to learn that I will be disappointed at every turn?
In the meantime. I have to give up my picture and repeat the mantra until I finally give up everything except the right now. As much as I would have it different, love is an elixir that fogs the mind and allows forgiveness of even the unforgivable.
When disappointment masses enough to counteract the elixir, all kinds of suffering can result. Upset that the other isn't as advertises. Upset that one has fallen for it again.
The way out? For me, it's the mantra.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
It's difficult in this case, but I'll get there.
In my first marriage, I formed an expectation based on the shared and created future. As it became clear the future wasn't going to unfold as we had described, I had two options. I could have dropped or, at least, revised my expectations to align with my new understanding of my Ex. I could have. I didn't. What I did instead was push and prod her in a futile effort to have her conform to who she said she was.
It was futile because she had no relationship to the pretend life of her words. Especially the pretend words of her future view. And it was the pretend words that created the person I fell in love with. When she turned out to be someone else, I struggled to be in love. I just wasn't.
I expect I am not all that aligned with who I say I am. I have feet of clay, also. It is good to remember that about me and about others.
In Dune, the Hero says a little prayer that starts: Fear is the mind killer. So, too, are expectations. And my hubris. Here I am thinking I know someone because of what they say and how I hear it. When am I going to learn that I will be disappointed at every turn?
In the meantime. I have to give up my picture and repeat the mantra until I finally give up everything except the right now. As much as I would have it different, love is an elixir that fogs the mind and allows forgiveness of even the unforgivable.
When disappointment masses enough to counteract the elixir, all kinds of suffering can result. Upset that the other isn't as advertises. Upset that one has fallen for it again.
The way out? For me, it's the mantra.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.
...just the way you are; just the way you are not.