Disappointment

[outlier_lynn]

Yep.

I've been thinking that I've been in the grips of resignation and cynicism. I can support that conclusion, too. But those ghosts are visiting because I'm stuck in disappointment. And I'm so far down that well, that everything sounds sincere and earnest.

I'm keeping my mouth shut about the things I think are all fucked up because I know that my perceptions are off right now. Way off.

What I find most interesting in this, is that I can see the disappointment raging everywhere because there are two people in my routine environment with whom I feel no disappointment. And that is good. It does show, however, the breadth of my disappointment.

I know better than to make any decisions when I'm stuck in this place. The troll in my head is trying to get me to make several. I have enough skill to laugh at him, though. :)

My head is above the water, though. Safely above the water. Love is my flotation device. :)

That's a problem, though, too. Often my disappointments are strongest with those I love most. Can we say "expectations," boys and girls? I knew we could. :)

Yes. Expectations are at the heart of this disappointment. Unmet. All spoken, though. Spoken, unmet and unmeetable. Worst kind for feeling like shit.