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Who the hell said that? It's a crock of shit. I look around me and I see plenty of ignorance and precious little bliss. I see a few irredeemably stupid people and they don't appear blissful, either.
I remember a time when the most important issue in my life was getting a relationship. Notice I didn't say "creating" or "developing." No. "Relationship" was a thing to have like a couch, car or tv.
I don't remember how it felt, but I do remember wanting it. I was a teenager. As few friends as I had in high school, I noticed that several seemed to be paired up all the time -- some for months, some for weeks and a few for days. They seemed happy during the times they were paired up. This continued into my early 20s with college friends and into the Navy.
I thought, "I need to get some of that so I can be happy, too." Now, there's some serious ignorance!
Around Rocky, I hear people talking about relationships that they want and the ones they fall into and out of at the drop of a hat. At first, in order for it to make sense to me, I was giving "relationship" a wide enough meaning to encompass the behavior I was seeing. But, no. I have come to realize that most of the people I'm hearing are using a rather narrow definition.
It's what they think they want. Or maybe it's what they think they are suppose to want. Or maybe they think they're required to want it (Which is what I used to think.) No matter. It isn't matching what they do.
Further complicating all this is the goofy notion that sexual attraction equates with love and good sex equates with true love and true love equates to happy ever after living with the person of one's dreams. Find the bliss in that ignorance and I'll give you a cookie (a line I am shamelessly stealing from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
berniebrad).
Do I still envy the folks who really enjoy sex? Oh yes. Do I still envy folks in the throws of reciprocated New Relationship Energy (NRE)? Oh yes. (I just love that feeling that has nothing be as important as staring into the eyes of a beloved. This is the kind of love suggested in one oflizetta's favorite quotes, "Love is a trick nature plays to get us to breed.")
Do I have any fantasy about what NRE means in terms of a probably future? Hell, no. Do I have any fantasy about what it means to be "in love"? Probably. :) But I can certainly tell my fantasy from reality. I have no trouble distinguishing between being in love and the desire to breed.
Some folks might say that "comes with experience." Usually, that phrase really means that over time one becomes jaded. And cynicism and resignation team up to make hash out of relationships of any kind. And it can pull the plug on sexual attraction and desire in a heartbeat.
Getting one's self sorted out about what it means to be in love, to be intimately connected with humanity and with any single other human being and, maybe, most importantly in the greater US culture and what it means to be a sexual creature can happen at any age passed puberty. And the earlier the better.
It's one of the draws of RHPS for me. There is an opportunity there for young people to experience a broad spectrum of meanings given to love and relationship. But most seem to miss the point. If there are so many different meanings, maybe none of them are real. Maybe we get to create the meanings. And maybe we can change our meanings to that life actually works. (I know this is possible for everyone, but I also know that many, many people don't want that kind of responsibility for who they are being and how their relationships go.)
So I listen. I hear them talking in line for the show or at Denny's after. I listen and I think, "God. I'm so glad I'm not 20." Then, of course, the troll who lives in my head whines at me for not have a cuddle partner. :)
I remember a time when the most important issue in my life was getting a relationship. Notice I didn't say "creating" or "developing." No. "Relationship" was a thing to have like a couch, car or tv.
I don't remember how it felt, but I do remember wanting it. I was a teenager. As few friends as I had in high school, I noticed that several seemed to be paired up all the time -- some for months, some for weeks and a few for days. They seemed happy during the times they were paired up. This continued into my early 20s with college friends and into the Navy.
I thought, "I need to get some of that so I can be happy, too." Now, there's some serious ignorance!
Around Rocky, I hear people talking about relationships that they want and the ones they fall into and out of at the drop of a hat. At first, in order for it to make sense to me, I was giving "relationship" a wide enough meaning to encompass the behavior I was seeing. But, no. I have come to realize that most of the people I'm hearing are using a rather narrow definition.
It's what they think they want. Or maybe it's what they think they are suppose to want. Or maybe they think they're required to want it (Which is what I used to think.) No matter. It isn't matching what they do.
Further complicating all this is the goofy notion that sexual attraction equates with love and good sex equates with true love and true love equates to happy ever after living with the person of one's dreams. Find the bliss in that ignorance and I'll give you a cookie (a line I am shamelessly stealing from
berniebrad).Do I still envy the folks who really enjoy sex? Oh yes. Do I still envy folks in the throws of reciprocated New Relationship Energy (NRE)? Oh yes. (I just love that feeling that has nothing be as important as staring into the eyes of a beloved. This is the kind of love suggested in one of
lizetta's favorite quotes, "Love is a trick nature plays to get us to breed.")Do I have any fantasy about what NRE means in terms of a probably future? Hell, no. Do I have any fantasy about what it means to be "in love"? Probably. :) But I can certainly tell my fantasy from reality. I have no trouble distinguishing between being in love and the desire to breed.
Some folks might say that "comes with experience." Usually, that phrase really means that over time one becomes jaded. And cynicism and resignation team up to make hash out of relationships of any kind. And it can pull the plug on sexual attraction and desire in a heartbeat.
Getting one's self sorted out about what it means to be in love, to be intimately connected with humanity and with any single other human being and, maybe, most importantly in the greater US culture and what it means to be a sexual creature can happen at any age passed puberty. And the earlier the better.
It's one of the draws of RHPS for me. There is an opportunity there for young people to experience a broad spectrum of meanings given to love and relationship. But most seem to miss the point. If there are so many different meanings, maybe none of them are real. Maybe we get to create the meanings. And maybe we can change our meanings to that life actually works. (I know this is possible for everyone, but I also know that many, many people don't want that kind of responsibility for who they are being and how their relationships go.)
So I listen. I hear them talking in line for the show or at Denny's after. I listen and I think, "God. I'm so glad I'm not 20." Then, of course, the troll who lives in my head whines at me for not have a cuddle partner. :)