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We are almost always in constant communication with a small troll that lives somewhere behind our eyes. And I do mean troll as in trolling for trouble forum and Usenet news jerks.
The troll rarely has anything of value to say to us. And it wants in on every conversation we have out loud with another.
When it speaks of doom and gloom, it speaks with the voice of abject misery. And keeping it quiet is a full-time thankless job. Further, it isn't possible. We are equipped with a troll and it will speak.
What I tend to write in my Live Journal when things are gloomy are just the ramblings of my troll. Trying to get the conversation out of my head and into the real world where all its power goes away.
I know that some (most) people who read my journal will see what my troll has written and hand it to their troll to review. And that may have it look like I am miserable sometimes. Life ending miserable. Moving out of state miserable. Just fuck it already miserable.
But that is just the troll looking to push me into the black hole or misery. I refuse to go there. I just let my troll spew forth here when it's in the mood so I don't have to listen to it for hours and hours. :)
There were years (11-25ish) when I was a miserable as it sometimes sounds in my LJ. Otherwise my troll couldn't be so convincing. :)
But, I have not been miserable for a very long time.
Is something missing in my life right now? Yes. Is it looking a little hopeless right now? Yes. Am I all that worried about it? No.
Love is a really good place to return to when I start thinking anything my troll says is real or serious.
Love.
The troll rarely has anything of value to say to us. And it wants in on every conversation we have out loud with another.
When it speaks of doom and gloom, it speaks with the voice of abject misery. And keeping it quiet is a full-time thankless job. Further, it isn't possible. We are equipped with a troll and it will speak.
What I tend to write in my Live Journal when things are gloomy are just the ramblings of my troll. Trying to get the conversation out of my head and into the real world where all its power goes away.
I know that some (most) people who read my journal will see what my troll has written and hand it to their troll to review. And that may have it look like I am miserable sometimes. Life ending miserable. Moving out of state miserable. Just fuck it already miserable.
But that is just the troll looking to push me into the black hole or misery. I refuse to go there. I just let my troll spew forth here when it's in the mood so I don't have to listen to it for hours and hours. :)
There were years (11-25ish) when I was a miserable as it sometimes sounds in my LJ. Otherwise my troll couldn't be so convincing. :)
But, I have not been miserable for a very long time.
Is something missing in my life right now? Yes. Is it looking a little hopeless right now? Yes. Am I all that worried about it? No.
Love is a really good place to return to when I start thinking anything my troll says is real or serious.
Love.
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