Wow

[outlier_lynn]

I just let Tony have it. I yelled at him for at least 60 seconds. Earlier today, I yelled at a store manager of Warehouse because all the queer related movies were in their own section labeled "Alternative Lifestyles." I growled menacingly at a little old lady who hit me with her shopping cart three different time at the supermarket.

I have had a really angry day. Haven't had one in years.

Feels really odd.

It isn't over.

Sigh.

Love, but not light

Comments

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

what's causing the anger?

-piranha

Re:

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

I don't know. That part is scary. I used to be like this every day, all day, year 'round.

Besides the incidents I listed, I remembered more while I was fucking up dinner. No one got a kind word out of me.

I took every thing as a personal attack. I yelled at two 20-year-olds have a dick size war. When it was painfully clear they had both climbed out of truth into pure flights of fantasy, I called them on it -- loudly -- in the restaurant.

I don't like it. I am physically hot, haven't slept well for quite some time. Maybe it is all coming to a head right now.

Then there's Burning Man. I really wish I could remember exactly why I agreed to go. It is costing a fucking fortune I don't have to go camp in the fucking desert for a week.

The only reason I have left in my head about it is that it will shut Greg D. up about how I just have to go to burning man.

Oh, that reminded me of another thing that is on my very last nerve. I FUCKING HATE ANIME. One of my family members can't let it alone. I just have to watch this that or the other fucking thing. NO I FUCKING DO NOT.

I was just interrupted by one of my house mates. Which allows me to have a look at what I have already typed. Jesus! Something is got me by the tail.

Everything is a trigger waiting to happen. Even when I mistype something, a well of anger is popping to the surface.

I'm clearly under a lot of stress and I simply can't see it yet.

One great thing, though, is my family and I have agreements about coaching and being coached. I will find out what is going on or scream trying. :)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

you may have been like this much of the time, but i also remember times when you weren't like this.

it sounds like you're really stressed. maybe you are coming down with something? do you have lots of stress around you? financially, by any chance? anything else worrying you? maybe you're pushing too hard somewhere and this is a sign to take a breather?

as to the individual things, which are probably just straws that are loading down the camel's back, but hey, straws add up:

right, you do not fucking need to look at X, whatever X is. no means no. :) but sometimes people get really excited about stuff, and they don't really need you to look at it, they just need your acknowledgment that this sounds cool. you should, however, be able to say "look, i am o the edge, and i already said i don't want to several times, so please just let it go."

as to burning man -- is anyone relying on you for this? can you get out of it? there is always next year -- if you are feeling sick in some way, it might be good to be by yourself for a bit, to just let your head clear. greg (i hope) will live. :)

*hug*. i am sorry you're feeling so crappy!

-piranha

[scixual.livejournal.com]

To be fair, "x" isn't offered repeatedly. "You gotta see this movie!" ... a week passes "you gotta see this (other) movie!"

I didn't know he didn't like anime in general, and I suspect the one offering didn't, either.

I'd also respectfully say that not liking anime is like not liking sandwiches -- they are NOT all the same -- but if he(you) had said, "I don't like anime" we could have figured out if this was true, or if he(you) had only seen on KIND of anime before, etc.

He can get out of Burning Man if he really wants to, he knows this.

None of these straws are even VALID, which is why he's confused about being angry.

[scixual.livejournal.com]

Please assume I worded that to not seem to be speaking for Lynn.

Re:

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

The "fever" broke.

I started writing down all the stressers in my life and noticed that there are a lot of them right now. Once I got a handle on that, the anger went away. Good thing. I didn't like it.

My always angry life was before I knew you. I still had traces. I used to flame people without muchy provocation once in awhile. :) I was mostly over the anger by 35. It had been mostly replaced with resignation, though.

The transformation that many people got to see on soc.singles was from resigned cynic to hopeful optimist rather than from angry to peaceful. The peaceful part didn't happen for a few years after that. :)

As Scott (pdi) pointed out, the individual things were strawmen.

Thanks for the hugs.

Love,
Lynn

[machineplay.livejournal.com]

Or maybe you're just having an off week. We all have them, you know. Time to yourself sounds like a good idea. Men do get PMS too, you know, and sleep deprivation turns me into a horrendous bitch... never know. ~hugs~ Wish I could offer you some of my air conditioning.

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

forgive me as I don't know you except through your LJ, but maybe you should take time to yourself tonight...

[maatling.livejournal.com]

This is possibly oversimplification, but when was the last time you had sex? We are, when it comes down to it, men and, as such, hormonal creatures. I know for me that once in a while I get positively ornery unless I can touch another body in a purely sexual way... For me this has been an issue since I touch so many bodies in a non-sexual way...

I know you put great focus on loving the mind and the spirit, and I also know that you know the value of loving the body, but maybe haven't been able to indulge enough to keep YOUR body happy lately?

Just a thought...

::hugs::

As for Burning Man, it is supposed to be a festival of self-expression and joy, not something you are forced or guilted into experiencing. If you don't *want* to go, then stay home. The party will go on without you and it sounds like maybe you could use the break for some quality "Lynn time".

Thought #2