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I have never had any trouble seeing myself as someone who contributes to others. Even when I was being my most curmudgeonly and hateful, I took great pleasure in teaching. And during those moments, I loved the people I was with. At my worst, I found value in what I could give to others.
Also at my worst I would never allow anyone to contribute to me. For years I hated any holiday which included receiving gifts. One left over story I have about that goes like this: People are going to by me stuff that I don't want, that I'll be stuck with and that I have no room for.
Isn't that special. Talk about making people wrong for trying to contribute to my life. Luckily, that noise is on low volume and easily ignored or dismissed. I see the value in allowing contribution. I enjoy being contributed to. And I know what it feels like to have my contributions rejected.
In a less than perverse way, allowing contributions to me is just another contribution to others.
It is not polite to refuse contributions. That is a nice story we might be using to avoid any feeling of obligation that could show up if we were to accept a gift -- even the gift of love. It might be our cynic mumbling about what the expected payback is.
We are subject to tons of manipulative pressures in our lives. Especially if we watch TV or listen to the radio. Lots of advertising that intends to grab mindshare. We are probably wise to allow our cynic full reign when we watch or listen to advertising.
Our cynic, though, in our one on one conversations tends to being yelling "no" well before any request is made. Even if no request is ever made. So we protect ourselves from being taken advantage of by refusing contributions rather than declining invitations.
It takes a lot of practice to accept contribution with grace and ease while being clear that one feels no obligation to be a "yes" to any follow on request. It is fine that we don't allow ourselves to be "bought." A real gift or contribution has no strings attached.
The cool thing about that is that we can declare something a contribution or gift. In the declaration, all intended strings are severed. Even if the giver intends to create a sense of obligation, we can choose to not feel obligated.
Also at my worst I would never allow anyone to contribute to me. For years I hated any holiday which included receiving gifts. One left over story I have about that goes like this: People are going to by me stuff that I don't want, that I'll be stuck with and that I have no room for.
Isn't that special. Talk about making people wrong for trying to contribute to my life. Luckily, that noise is on low volume and easily ignored or dismissed. I see the value in allowing contribution. I enjoy being contributed to. And I know what it feels like to have my contributions rejected.
In a less than perverse way, allowing contributions to me is just another contribution to others.
It is not polite to refuse contributions. That is a nice story we might be using to avoid any feeling of obligation that could show up if we were to accept a gift -- even the gift of love. It might be our cynic mumbling about what the expected payback is.
We are subject to tons of manipulative pressures in our lives. Especially if we watch TV or listen to the radio. Lots of advertising that intends to grab mindshare. We are probably wise to allow our cynic full reign when we watch or listen to advertising.
Our cynic, though, in our one on one conversations tends to being yelling "no" well before any request is made. Even if no request is ever made. So we protect ourselves from being taken advantage of by refusing contributions rather than declining invitations.
It takes a lot of practice to accept contribution with grace and ease while being clear that one feels no obligation to be a "yes" to any follow on request. It is fine that we don't allow ourselves to be "bought." A real gift or contribution has no strings attached.
The cool thing about that is that we can declare something a contribution or gift. In the declaration, all intended strings are severed. Even if the giver intends to create a sense of obligation, we can choose to not feel obligated.