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The same question I grapple with quite often. It's a new cut. Well, maybe not new, but refreshed, I think.
Lately, I've been fantasizing over a couple of different people. This is a little unusual but not unheard of. The fantasies are not sexual in any erotic sense. And I've felt the loss of that. I want fantasies in the erotic sense. Not so much because I want sexual activity as much as I want to want sexual activity.
Nothing new there. Here is the part that is refreshed. Under all the overt sexuality that is RHPS, I had completely misplaced the rest of sexuality. It had conveniently slipped my mind. :)
Human beings are sexual creatures, even me. Maybe me more than most. I certainly think about sexuality a lot -- as in all the time. I don't think of sexual intercourse or other overt sexual behaviors unless prompted, but I think about sexuality.
One of the reasons I declared myself a feminist in the 1970s is that women were/are routinely denied their sexuality under "uncontrolled" situations. This is true under some religions around the world and it is true in the secular United States. But to deny the sexuality of half the planet denies sexuality for everyone. Doesn't stop sex, but stops the full self-expression of our sexuality.
Men and women are both in boxes of our own making. Yes, the raw primate in us is evident in our models of expression, but mostly the prison is human made. Mostly we are squished into certain patterns of behaving if we want to attract a mate. I say mostly because there have always been rebels and folks on the edge for one reason or another. They are persecuted, but never completely suppressed.
Unfortunately, the behaviors that attract a mate are not the same behaviors that keep a mate. When the bloom is off the rose of true love, we better have a larger set of expressions of our sexuality. I'm not talking about the bedroom, although a large set of skills doesn't hurt in the bedroom, I'm talking about the way mates interact on a day to day basis when the circumstances of life show up. How they are with each other after 5 years or 10 or 30. How they deal with children or no children. All the ways in which two or more people have to find common lives while remaining individual.
I've been fixated on what is wrong with the picture of my life and completely ignoring everything that is right with it. I've created the life I want to be living while pretending a great deal is wrong with me because I didn't choose the common models. Yes, Virginia, I am susceptible to Group Think, just like everyone else. :)
And, yes, there are people I want and cannot have at the moment and maybe never. There is nothing unusual about that. There is certainly nothing wrong with me or them that this is so. It is just how life works.
I am refreshed and secure in my sexuality. Whew.
Lately, I've been fantasizing over a couple of different people. This is a little unusual but not unheard of. The fantasies are not sexual in any erotic sense. And I've felt the loss of that. I want fantasies in the erotic sense. Not so much because I want sexual activity as much as I want to want sexual activity.
Nothing new there. Here is the part that is refreshed. Under all the overt sexuality that is RHPS, I had completely misplaced the rest of sexuality. It had conveniently slipped my mind. :)
Human beings are sexual creatures, even me. Maybe me more than most. I certainly think about sexuality a lot -- as in all the time. I don't think of sexual intercourse or other overt sexual behaviors unless prompted, but I think about sexuality.
One of the reasons I declared myself a feminist in the 1970s is that women were/are routinely denied their sexuality under "uncontrolled" situations. This is true under some religions around the world and it is true in the secular United States. But to deny the sexuality of half the planet denies sexuality for everyone. Doesn't stop sex, but stops the full self-expression of our sexuality.
Men and women are both in boxes of our own making. Yes, the raw primate in us is evident in our models of expression, but mostly the prison is human made. Mostly we are squished into certain patterns of behaving if we want to attract a mate. I say mostly because there have always been rebels and folks on the edge for one reason or another. They are persecuted, but never completely suppressed.
Unfortunately, the behaviors that attract a mate are not the same behaviors that keep a mate. When the bloom is off the rose of true love, we better have a larger set of expressions of our sexuality. I'm not talking about the bedroom, although a large set of skills doesn't hurt in the bedroom, I'm talking about the way mates interact on a day to day basis when the circumstances of life show up. How they are with each other after 5 years or 10 or 30. How they deal with children or no children. All the ways in which two or more people have to find common lives while remaining individual.
I've been fixated on what is wrong with the picture of my life and completely ignoring everything that is right with it. I've created the life I want to be living while pretending a great deal is wrong with me because I didn't choose the common models. Yes, Virginia, I am susceptible to Group Think, just like everyone else. :)
And, yes, there are people I want and cannot have at the moment and maybe never. There is nothing unusual about that. There is certainly nothing wrong with me or them that this is so. It is just how life works.
I am refreshed and secure in my sexuality. Whew.