Intellectually, I understand that each person has a different set of circumstances in which some actions feel risky. Each person faces their own unique set of fears and handles the risk differently. Understanding, though, is not enough. It doesn't mean I can accurately assess what another person finds risky and to what degree any given behavior will feel like risk.
I had a long dream last night about risk.
I woke up from it and realized that I have been trying to assess and calculate what other people will do in a given situation based on what feels risky to me. It is not true in every situation, but it is so in most situations.
That has not worked well. :)
I also got a bit of clarity on some risks that I've not classified as risks. You know, the ones that are so risky that I assign them to "unimportant" so that I don't have to deal with them directly. There are a couple of places where I am either stopped or moving very slowly and I was hiding the risk from my self. I was ignoring the trepidation. I was not willing to look at the worst case scenario.
That should be a very strong clue for me. :) If I am unwilling to explore the worst case scenario for some given course, I haven't really given my commitment to it. For instance, a fitness program for myself. I have resisted, no, refused, to examine the worst case scenario.
In another area of my life, I'm about to take a risk. But it's a backward risk. I mean, this is the kind of risk where action is less risky than inaction. It is the worst way to do it. I ended up married the first time because of this particular cowardice.
There are three areas of my life in which I am a coward right now. One is employment -- either making self-employment work or getting a job. Another is my level of participation in CI. There are places I am moving so slow that even I think I'm not moving at all. :)
And the third is my interactions with a small number of people. I'm not willing to ask them for help when the pattern of our relationships get more complicated than I can follow. I get stuck in a Twisty Little Maze. Then I make up reasons why I can't ask any of them any questions.
I get lost, feel stupid for getting lost, then wonder in the wilderness pretending that all is well. That would be avoiding looking at the worst case scenario.
I love my life. I don't understand it very well, but I love it.
A number of people have commented recently about the amount of introspection I go through. This is, in fact, one of those the areas where it feels riskier to avoid it. Way riskier.
I had a long dream last night about risk.
I woke up from it and realized that I have been trying to assess and calculate what other people will do in a given situation based on what feels risky to me. It is not true in every situation, but it is so in most situations.
That has not worked well. :)
I also got a bit of clarity on some risks that I've not classified as risks. You know, the ones that are so risky that I assign them to "unimportant" so that I don't have to deal with them directly. There are a couple of places where I am either stopped or moving very slowly and I was hiding the risk from my self. I was ignoring the trepidation. I was not willing to look at the worst case scenario.
That should be a very strong clue for me. :) If I am unwilling to explore the worst case scenario for some given course, I haven't really given my commitment to it. For instance, a fitness program for myself. I have resisted, no, refused, to examine the worst case scenario.
In another area of my life, I'm about to take a risk. But it's a backward risk. I mean, this is the kind of risk where action is less risky than inaction. It is the worst way to do it. I ended up married the first time because of this particular cowardice.
There are three areas of my life in which I am a coward right now. One is employment -- either making self-employment work or getting a job. Another is my level of participation in CI. There are places I am moving so slow that even I think I'm not moving at all. :)
And the third is my interactions with a small number of people. I'm not willing to ask them for help when the pattern of our relationships get more complicated than I can follow. I get stuck in a Twisty Little Maze. Then I make up reasons why I can't ask any of them any questions.
I get lost, feel stupid for getting lost, then wonder in the wilderness pretending that all is well. That would be avoiding looking at the worst case scenario.
I love my life. I don't understand it very well, but I love it.
A number of people have commented recently about the amount of introspection I go through. This is, in fact, one of those the areas where it feels riskier to avoid it. Way riskier.