(no subject)

It's Friday. This has been a very, very fast moving week. Very full schedule. I noticed, though, that the second biggest item on my list, one that got a lot of hours dedicated to it this week, received no attention whatsoever. Sigh.

I also noticed that even though today is dedicated directly to that task, I haven't started it yet. I also notice that rather than start it I'm posting in LJ about not starting it.

Can we say "resisting"? I knew we could! I'm going to finish my first cup of coffee, take a shower, and plan my work. By noon, I will be knee deep in it. And I will have a plan for completion of the various parts.

I'm still thrilled at my Riff performances at training yesterday. Even my Sha-na-nas were decent. Not only that, but I can catch the feather duster (Something that I worry about) almost every time. It's hard to catch without depth perception.

Between now and the first time I play Riff, though, I plan to let my right arm hang lifeless to my side. My Riff tends to have the hump on the wrong side. :)

And, if it wasn't perfectly clear, I love you.

For quite a number of you, I would like to cuddle in a large room with pillows everywhere. Not nearly enough cuddles in my life. And most of my cuddly folks are two hours away, at least.

Michelle is getting married next Saturday. I'm really excited for her. She and Jim are two folks I want to cuddle. Soon, I think. Soon. Get thee to Level 1, then we'll talk! Yay, for HAI training. I like cuddling with pregnant women. No, really.

It is not cast in stone, these things are also true:
Cuddle does not equal sex.
Nudity does not equal sex.
Intimacy does not equal sex.

If they aren't true in your world, then you might be missing out on something really good. Remember we are primates. Our biology instructs us to grooming behavior.

Oh, and it's John, not Jim. *

* Crazed Imaginations RHPS show reference.

(no subject)

I'm a no secrets boy. Anyone who has read my journal knows that about me. That is why my journal has been, until today, public.

(no subject)

A little clarification might be in order. Nearly all my journal entries will be private for awhile, at least.

Too much of internal dialog is causing too many problems for several people in my life. I was caught off guard by that. Until I get some clarity, I'll error on the side of privacy.

Private rather than friends only because it is my friends who being hurt by my posts.

Well, Hell.

That didn't last long.

One of my favorite characters from a movie musical if Fagan in Oliver. He has a wonderful song titled "I'm reviewing the situation." Rather than actually do any work this afternoon, I've been reviewing the situation.

I'm a bit slow sometimes taking my own advice. Here's the deal.

Someone told me something today about how they feel.
I reacted. Did I remember Quit Taking it Personally (QTIP)? No.

I'm no secrets boy. That's just how it is. Everyone who reads my journal has to decide if they wish to read it or not. Everyone who reads my journal will have to decide to take or not take anything I write here as something about them.

Yes. It will cause some friction in my life to continue to post the inside of my head. Yes, I will be misunderstood. Yes, people will take what I say personally from time to time. Yes, some people will get upset.

I have a much better chance of being understood by continuing to speak (or write) than by keeping my mouth shut.

I really can stand in the face of my circumstances. Life might never turn out the way I would like, but that, of course, is not the point of living. In the end life turns out to be over. Period.

I am truly sorry if something I say offends you, makes you uncomfortable, brings up bad memories or angers you. But as sorry as I am that your are visited by your daemons, I would regret any attempt on my part to protect you from them. It's a losing game.

I do not write in my journal to sway opinion or to make indirect requests. I write in my journal to get what is in my head down in some sort of order so that it doesn't stay in my head.

It is an exercising in clearing myself. Maybe you didn't agree to assist in my clearing, but reading my journal is not a requirement.

Three hours of private and I can tell, it just isn't going to work. Better no journal than a private one. My mind is a bad neighborhood, I try to not go there alone.

And I love you. Love. Not an emotion that makes demands or even requests. It is not necessary for you to love me back. It is not necessary for you to earn it. It is not necessary for you to be a good person. You get my love because of who I am and not because of who you are. I am not really very interested in whether or not you think you deserve it. I am not really interested in your opinion about whether or not I should love everyone. I am not all that interested in how you think I should express it

I'll take it under advisement if you suggest ways for me to love you. But I love because I love. Even that has nothing to do with you. Really.

Does that should heartless? I've been in that question before. I will be again. I don't believe it is. Until we create some sort of personal relationship, you get no say in how I'm being about you.

Now. Maybe I can actually get some damn work done. This major distraction has been brought to you by a major flaring up of identity. We now return you to your regular possibility.

I am the possibility of love and compassion; the creation of peace, love and joy in every conversation.

(no subject)

On the lighter side...

I'm on a red cabbage kick. Rad cabbage, raisin salads, to be explicit.

Very tasty.

(no subject)

I'm thinking about trying to make a workshop happen through Learning Annex so I picked up their latest catalog. On the front cover pictures of several people. One is a young woman standing in a swimming pool. The caption is "Lost weight -- a lot of weight."

Yep. She has the secret. Weight your self wile chest deep in a swimming pool. She probably lost 30 lbs, maybe more. Didn't lose any mass, but that not what they are selling, is it.

My cynic came out to play. whee.