Ah, the show...

I did some things I haven't done before. I liked that. Finally I got to handle the coffin clock I made. I've really wanted to do that. I also was a bit tiny bit of a help for floor show quick change. I'll have to practice and watch what people are wearing.

I don't seem to see or absorb details in my visual field. It's okay though. I'll just put in as much preparation as needed.

For the first time since I joined cast, though, I can actually see the possibility of an end to my participation in Crazed Imaginations. That came as a surprise. No plans to quit any time soon, but an availability of quitting. I'm not nearly as attached. This is good. Should have life be easier and more fun.

For the over all feel of the show tonight, it was a good show and I had a good time. I studied some blocking, moved some props, learned new things. I offered to coach one of the cast members who is very easily distracted. I'm going to see if he can nail down what he really wants from his participation in cast. Maybe if that isn't vague, he'll be able to stay focused long enough to complete one set of prop movements. He is very busy making himself feel wrong and broken. It's just a training and development issue.

When I was not studying blocking, I was also not watching the show. I haven't figured out what that means yet.

I ordered nothing and ate nothing at Denny's. Not even a French fry off anyone's plate. Go Lynn! Only eating when hungry (and not always then) is a novel concept that might take some getting use to! Food doesn't have to be a whim I fulfill on just because it shows up. Way too much self medicating with sugar going on here.

Off to bed for a Saturday Morning Sleep Fest.

Some decisions are going to wait.

And then there were none.

Hmm. Time to relax and let some time pass before doing any emotional surgery. This might just be gas, I should wait and see if it passes. :)

No numbness. I have my eye on that warning flag. Still having a nice full range of emotion. We shall look for the sign post up ahead. The next stop might be the Twilight Zone.

The nature of my current inquiry is this: What needs will be filled if I fulfill on my current wants. When I have that sorted out, I'll look to see what else might satisfy those needs. It should have me lighten up in a few areas where I am feeling a definite missing.

At the moment, I am very happy to be 54 instead of 24. Very happy.

Way, hard, Duh

I've been struggling with to create a workable system that would have me take my cholesterol pill every day. I've tried a dozen different plans.

Finally I figured out that I could have my computer remind me. FINALLY.

So, this morning before going to bed, I wrote a tk script and set up a crontab entry to run it. It was okay, but I really would liked the dialogue to jump up in the middle of the screen. I was playing around with that when I FINALLY remembed that kde has a nice alarm clock of it's own.

Bingo. Now at 5am, my computer will throw a red alert into the middle of my screen.

Ah! Automation.

I am suddenly reminded of the General Electric "Carousel of Progress" that graced Tomorrow Land when Disneyland opened. As I picture that attraction now, I can't help but giggle. Especially at the directions we never went.

And, distracted again, notice that carousel and carousal share some interesting metaphysics.

Poe, Poe me.

When I was young, I think my favorite "serious" poet was Poe. There was something very appealing about his visions of horror. My favorite story was the Pit and the Pendulum. I had no trouble visualizing that pendulum.

It was a turning point for me in reading. It was the first story in which I was thinking in terms of symbolism. The first story from which I could abstract and gain a more subtle understanding of what the author was saying.
( More philosophy and personal history. It is my journal after all. :) )

It's news

I just realized I've never experience the fading of a crush before. ( Just some more .... )

I think I've so stunned my "identity" in the last week that it's been struck mute for awhile.

Yes. I think that's it. I just noticed that I am -- in this instant of time -- without (social) fear.

Wow. Damn. Wow! No wonder I feel so damn transcendent. Wheeeeeee!

I will enjoy this while it lasts. It's just another conversation and conversations have very, very short lives.

Love is.

(no subject)

I want to play.

(no subject)

It's baaaaaaack.

I am having serious difficulty keeping my head clear of ...

"I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance
Wear me silver-buckled slippers and me tight shiny pants
I want to sing and dance."

And that while I'm studying Riff.

Sometimes it doesn't matter.

I was thinking, again, about the value of right and wrong in our lives. I think it is less useful than even I had imagined.

There is a woman I know who is pretty remarkable. She doesn't really want to hear it, though. In fact, she will dismiss such statements with a wave of her hand.

There is a fictional woman I know named Sulien ap Gwien. She is the hero of "The King's Peace" and the sequel "The King's Name" by the author Jo Walton.

A moment ago, the two connected. I totally think the real life woman is a more than adequate reflection of the fictional one.

True, the real life woman doesn't ride into battle defending her country. And she probably isn't advising the King at every turn.

The fictional woman is, as fictional characters are, bigger than life. Cut Sulien down to size, though, and the parallels are amazing.

I'll be lending my friend a copy of the books!

What has this to do with right and wrong, you ask? Just this, it doesn't matter if we think another's opinion of us is right or wrong. It is the opinion they have and the one they speak. If enough people hold a similar opinion, theirs will create your reputation. And validity in the physical world or in one's mind isn't worth a damn thing.

So it doesn't matter if my real life friend dismisses what the rest of us say. Her reputation is fixed by our continuing to announce that she is spectacular in what she achieves and amazing at what she tries.

She is only achieving the addition of "Modest" to her reputation.

I may just start referring to her as Sulien. :)