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No one --- sometimes not even me -- can possibly know how much I love my life. I think everyone reading my journal (my daughter excepted) knows me for less than 10 or so years.
You see my life and my growth in that short period of time. You do not see who I was at 20 or 30 or, even 40. You have no idea and probably can't imagine who that fellow was. Mean. Angry. Emotionally violent. Terrified most of the time. Terrified when presented with anything knew and unpredictable.
That person would not have tolerated the chaos of RHPS! He would never, for a million bucks, have applied to cast. He would never tell anyone he loved them.
Especially love. Resigned and cynical. I was a brooding, geek trying desperately to squash emotions. I wanted to be a Vulcan.
All fear driven. An entire life -- from age 11 to 40ish -- lived on automatic pilot attempting to minimize emotional risk. Then a couple of years of what felt like HUGE chances. Then BINGO!
I sometimes wish I could have those years back. Not often, though. It's a boring conversation that provides nothing positive in my life.
I just know that now my life is given by many passions. And I love my life more than is imaginable. I have a life that could not have been predicted and had no chance of being realized.
Life is sweet and tomorrow is Disneyland.
You see my life and my growth in that short period of time. You do not see who I was at 20 or 30 or, even 40. You have no idea and probably can't imagine who that fellow was. Mean. Angry. Emotionally violent. Terrified most of the time. Terrified when presented with anything knew and unpredictable.
That person would not have tolerated the chaos of RHPS! He would never, for a million bucks, have applied to cast. He would never tell anyone he loved them.
Especially love. Resigned and cynical. I was a brooding, geek trying desperately to squash emotions. I wanted to be a Vulcan.
All fear driven. An entire life -- from age 11 to 40ish -- lived on automatic pilot attempting to minimize emotional risk. Then a couple of years of what felt like HUGE chances. Then BINGO!
I sometimes wish I could have those years back. Not often, though. It's a boring conversation that provides nothing positive in my life.
I just know that now my life is given by many passions. And I love my life more than is imaginable. I have a life that could not have been predicted and had no chance of being realized.
Life is sweet and tomorrow is Disneyland.