(no subject)

[outlier_lynn]

Several years ago, I was having a conversation with Jan and Greg about dominator and partnership models of building human societies and communities. The former is a model that's existence is based on intimidation, violence or the threat if violence. But it can only survive with the consent of the dominated masses. Greg's position was that one could play with the emotions of fear and domination safely. I was not so sure.

Years before I had another conversation with John -- now a lost friend -- who had experimented with every drug known at the time. John's position was that one could play with addicting drugs without becoming addicted. I was not so sure.

I have no certainty yet. But it dawns on my this morning that those two conversations were the same. Fear and domination are just as addicting as any drug, maybe more so.

Is it safe to play with them? There is certainly an allure. But is it not the flame for the moth? Is it not adding straw to an already overloaded and weakened camel?

I am starting to believe this is so. That it is a dangerous game to play with the dark side, to purposely court the emotions and the thrill. I am less concerned that I will be inescapably consumed by playing with power than I am concerned that in doing so I will be less able to live in partnership. Can I live in peace and love if I leave one foot to the wolves outside the door? I don't think so.

One of my favorite things about RHPS is that it is an outlet for screaming rotten stuff at fictional characters. We can call Brad an asshole to his make believe face. This is playing with the dark side. I've noticed that some people around our show have not fully learned the difference between make believe and reality. And people are getting hurt. It's usually in the name of humor, and there are some gut busting moments, but we don't know what is really going on for the target of the moment.

I am well practiced at not taking things personally. I've been building that skill for many years. And yet, at RHPS, there are many moments when, for a moment, my feelings are hurt. There's a particularly hard, shape edge to the teasing.

When I model the behavioral trends, I find that there are some folks I'm drawn to that I really should be avoiding like the plague. Not because there is something wrong with them, but because I am easily swept into the game of playing with the dark side and the cost is too great.

Playing with dominator model forces costs me the life I want. It forever leaves me in a compromised position. Inside dominator model society, there is no room for possibility; only conformity enforced by maintaining a climate of physical or emotional fear. It is perpetually being in 7th grade.

I love RHPS and I love my fellow cast members, but I think I must give up playing in some of the games with some of the people. I have no desire to be hurt or to hurt. And I find myself with a fit in that door way too often these days.

I wont condemn those who play, I just won't anymore.

and remember, I love you.

Comments

[grate-scott.livejournal.com]

Yeah, many of us sometimes go too far. I for one try not too. I will listen if you want to tell me when I go that route. Just tell me.

~HUGS~
Scott

[scixual.livejournal.com]

'swhy I keep a small harem of victims, who I check in with regularly and do other nice things so they know how I really feel.

playing with power

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

Greg's position was that one could play with the emotions of fear and domination safely. I was not so sure.

BDSM adherents say that too. i am not so sure. :)

Re: playing with power

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

Yes they do. And I'm not so sure, either. BDSM play has been an internal struggle for many years. I've only recently been reminded that there are more kinds of power play.

And last night, I noticed that I was playing again. I was right in the middle of teasing again. sigh. It's a very practiced pattern in my life, and I easily slip back to it when in the midst of it.

I'll have to watch out for it more carefully.

[rhps-mom.livejournal.com]

If you really enjoy the teasing and banter, only allow it with-in a small group of friends. People who know that you tease and who know when you are serious. If you are uncomfortable with the whole idea, let people know. I do understand though, some people just go too far!