(no subject)

[outlier_lynn]

Performed Riff. It was great. Really great. I received lots of attaboys from people who count.

It was odd, though. I felt a little flat about it before the show and even less animated about it after the show.

Might be because today will be brutally long and contains yet more evidence that I'm a loser who deserves nothing. I don't really believe it, but the voice in my head is obnoxiously loud right now.

Is it jealousy when one envies what others have knowing that one will never have those things? If it is, then I am experiencing jealousy. Maybe it's just envy. Either way, I don't like it.

Love is. I will love and be given by it. I will accept what is so, then choose it willingly and freely. I will not suffer about what might have been if only.... Down that road lies madness.

Comments

[firecat]

Are you feeling like a loser who deserves nothing because you just did something that you have had as a goal for a long time now? My "loser" voices tend to be louder at times like that.

Jealousy, by my definition, is when I don't want someone else to have something. Envy is when I also want to have something someone else has, but if I had it I wouldn't care if they had it.

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

TGhe loser paragraph was a non sequitur. Although, I was so prepared for Riff that it did not feel like a "first time" to me. I didn't have any "what do I do now" moments of adreneline.

No, the loser stuff was about Michelle's wedding. And by your definition, I have envy.

I don't really want that, though. I just have lots and lots and lots of cultural training that insists that if I only had a certain kind of romance all of life would work out. I have Cinderella fantascies. I don't stay hooked for long, but I do get hooked.

I usually remember prettty quickly that I really don't want to be Cinderella and that people do love me. There are just a few triggers that get me.

I was so hooked that I almost forgot to go to the wedding!

[firecat]

I usually remember prettty quickly that I really don't want to be Cinderella and that people do love me. There are just a few triggers that get me.

Yeah, I can relate to that, although Cinderella isn't my particular trigger. NRE is.

[scixual.livejournal.com]

I cannot wait to see pictures.

[esyla.livejournal.com]

Even if I dpn't count, "attaboy!"
Glad to hear it went well :)

jealousy/envy

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

i use the same definitions as firecat.

i think you might be experiencing post-project depression. i get that regularly, especially if i've built something up emotionally. when it's over, i feel flat, or even down, no matter how great it was. i think it's because i've spent so much emotion on it beforehand that there is none left for afterwards.

i am glad playing riff went so well for you! i think you might want to do it again, so you get to enjoy it more.

stupid voice. *takes a big pillow to it to muffle it*.

Re: jealousy/envy

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

Same reply I gave Stef. The loser feeling was about Michelle's wedding on Saturday and not playing Riff.

I will certainly be playing Riff again. I love that part.

great Riff!!!

[rhps-mom.livejournal.com]

Those voices obviously don't know the same man we do. The man I have come to respect and admire and,hopefully, call friend; if about as far from being a loser as you can get! You are an intelligent, love filled, giving, gentle man. You set goals and work your way towards them. You have even completed a few on your most recent list with remarkable speed. You are an example to those around you who need to learn how to love unconditionally. You have a family who loves you. You have communities who need and like you. (I use like for a reason; you can love someone without liking them.) I could go on for pages and pages. So, tell thod=se nagging, doubting voices to just "Hush" until they get their stories straight!! Love to you!