outlier_lynn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
outlier_lynn) wrote2004-03-09 10:12 am
outlier_lynn) wrote2004-03-09 10:12 am
Secrets suck
Coaching doesn't.
Pulled layers off the sadness until I uncovered the "what's missing" at the bottom of it. Even figured out why the internal dialogue has been louder than normal.
Yes. All the old conversations about worthiness and lovability are pounding loudly in my ears. All related to the feeling of being used.
An impromptu conversation with one of the coaches on my SELP coaching staff bubbled it all up. The current set of conversations in my head are all distractions from the real conversation.
I keep selling myself out. Exactly one profession has ever excited me -- teaching. In any of a dozen different modes that I can think of, it is what I want to do above all else.
In the last five years, I have seen several ways I could indulge myself and earn a modest living. I have let myself be talked out of those ideas. "It can't be done" and "There is no money in it" are the two loudest reactions.
Both are clearly bullshit -- there are people creating and delivering seminars all over the place and they are making money at it. They aren't getting rich, but that is not my goal.
I have more than enough evidence that I am a very, very good seminar leader, teacher and coach. It is where all the "move, touch and inspire" lives for me.
And it is what I'm going to do.
The "decision" I made is moot. The original options aren't on the table any longer.
Now a plan. This week's task is a plan, a possibility and many conversations.
I no longer feel the need to run away. This is good.
Pulled layers off the sadness until I uncovered the "what's missing" at the bottom of it. Even figured out why the internal dialogue has been louder than normal.
Yes. All the old conversations about worthiness and lovability are pounding loudly in my ears. All related to the feeling of being used.
An impromptu conversation with one of the coaches on my SELP coaching staff bubbled it all up. The current set of conversations in my head are all distractions from the real conversation.
I keep selling myself out. Exactly one profession has ever excited me -- teaching. In any of a dozen different modes that I can think of, it is what I want to do above all else.
In the last five years, I have seen several ways I could indulge myself and earn a modest living. I have let myself be talked out of those ideas. "It can't be done" and "There is no money in it" are the two loudest reactions.
Both are clearly bullshit -- there are people creating and delivering seminars all over the place and they are making money at it. They aren't getting rich, but that is not my goal.
I have more than enough evidence that I am a very, very good seminar leader, teacher and coach. It is where all the "move, touch and inspire" lives for me.
And it is what I'm going to do.
The "decision" I made is moot. The original options aren't on the table any longer.
Now a plan. This week's task is a plan, a possibility and many conversations.
I no longer feel the need to run away. This is good.
no subject
teaching
really? that's weird. i mean, there isn't the sort of money in it for most people that makes somebody filthy rich, but i know lots of teachers and they all make a decent living.
what do you want to teach, or doesn't it matter? and to whom?
Re: teaching
Mostly I want to spend more time in seminar territory than in "job" territory.
Re: teaching
i can definitely see you be happier in seminar territory than in job territory, yup.
more power to you!