Im going down the drain

[outlier_lynn]

I've noticed that little things are landing like a ton of bricks. Successes aren't showing up as accomplishments. I seem to take everything personally. And it sucks.

I think I've figured out the pretense. But I haven't gotten into it deep enough to have space to create.

I'm pretending that I'm just fine and dandy being in love with several people who aren't in love with me back. I've been resisting the feeling of loneliness that comes over me and keeping a stiff upper lip. Enough. It's not fine with me that no one is in love with me back. "Community" is not enough on its own.

This pretense has left me irritable, isolated, lonely. I am having a pretty profound sadness right now.

Those around me, and certainly the people I'm in love with, are left worried, nervous and feeling awkward around me.

The possibility I'm creating for myself and my life is the possibility of being ease and gentleness.

......
Yep. That inspires me.

Off to show tunes.