(no subject)

[outlier_lynn]

My life's philosophy rests on several principles that I talk about in LJ often. They can be summed up in several ways, though. One of my favorites is "Suffering is optional."


Worrying and stressing about that which is over is suffering.
Beating one's self up for failing to meet expectations is suffering.
Believing one's self to be unworthy or unlovable is suffering.
Believing one's self to be a failure and of no value is suffering.

I used to dwell in suffering. I wore it like a comfortable pair of blue jeans. Familiar and predictable. And utterly miserable. Years of it.

Suffering is optional. The conversations I have with myself doesn't have to bring the suffering to life. What I am busily trying to get people to align with does not have to be my misery.

I can let what is true in this moment be the starting place for the next moment. It is not necessary for me to work through a long history of poor decisions, lies or failures in order to determine what I can or will do next.

I can look at where I want to be in 20 years -- what I want my circumstances to be and who I want in my life. Who is that person? What is he like? How does he treat people?

When I know who he is, I know who I am right now. Who do I have to be right now that that future is created and not some other future.

Suffering is optional. And one of the last places where it takes me awhile to remember that is when someone I love is suffering and I can't make much happen for that person.

I remember being on first one side then the other of hundreds of life's moments. Those little hoops of fire we go through. Puberty, first job, first sex, first day of every level of school. Marriage and parenthood. First big debt like a car or maybe a house. First serious breakup. Getting laid off. First public speaking.

From the virgin side, these things are terrifying to some degree or another. On the other side, far less frightening. It is difficult to find words that give the virgin strength and inspiration. It is difficult to find a way for them to give up suffering about the moment to come.


Many of my friends stand on one side of a little hoop. There lives have a lot of complications, pain and suffering. I am standing (mostly) on the other side. I have my circumstances the same as everyone else. I'm just mostly done with suffering and the misery of aloneness that comes with it.

I haven't found the right words. I haven't found the sentence that would have what I offer seem like an opportunity for them.

Comments

[shaktiqueen.livejournal.com]

This is so hard to let in just now.

[firecat]

Are you worrying and stressing about other people's suffering?

I wonder whether the complications/pain/suffering of young people might be necessary to turn them into compassionate old people.

Re: lj client

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

Not stressing or worrying. Just having some sadness. It's a good thing.:)

I used to think that it was required to go through all the crap that teens and young adults go through. I really wanted to think that because it gave me something to pin 20 lousy yeaers on.

but I have watched young folks end suffering. Oh they still have love found and lost, dealing with being on their own for the first time, working crap jobs and so forth.

And they have their moments of worry and stress. But there lives are not filled with worry and stress. I've known a few young people who created lives of joy.

And a lot of suffering is culturally induced. Far less suffering in some cultures, more in others. That seems that it isn't a biological necessity, but a group learned trait.

I think it is possible to "grow out of suffering" with enough decades of living -- although some never do. But I think it is possible to short cut it, too. Experience is a great teacher, but we aren't always present to what is being taught or what we are really learning. :)

Re: lj client

[firecat]

but I have watched young folks end suffering. Oh they still have love found and lost, dealing with being on their own for the first time, working crap jobs and so forth.

And they have their moments of worry and stress. But there lives are not filled with worry and stress. I've known a few young people who created lives of joy.

But did they grow up to be compassionate old people, that's what I wonder.

And a lot of suffering is culturally induced. Far less suffering in some cultures, more in others.

Which cultures have more suffering? And how was this theory verified?

[emmeryrums.livejournal.com]

Lynn, I find your words so inspiring!