![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I had the opportunity today to coach a fellow who is convinced that he will be lonely and alone through the end of his life. His story is similar to mine in many respects. Same kind of break in belonging at roughly the same age, same tortured voice telling us that we are fatally flawed. The coaching went very well.
I was left, though, with a fresh perspective on a couple of things.
One is that belief in any relationship model as the biologically approved one is suffering waiting to happen. Pair-bonded monogamy or wide-open rule-less loving aren't ends of some scale, they and any other model for relating are just descriptors for some set of behaviors and attitudes. Non better or worse than another. Biology has some say in our love lives, but the relationship models are culturally variable and not to be taken as a law of nature.
The other thing is something I've been playing with through Landmark Education for the last couple of years. I've gotten the idea and, now, I'm generalizing it more and more. In the world of group or social reality (where standard of living, love, success and so forth live), it is possible to have everything and anything you want. Utterly possible at that level of reality. You can have anything you want in your life that you can enroll others in your having.
I look at what I have and what I don't have but say I want. Then I look at my conversations around those things. It's one to one. Everything I want that I have, I speak as if there is nothing better than having it and other people are left excited by the idea that they too might have it.
But everything I say I want and don't have is a different story. For those things I complain. I am busy enrolling people in my suffering about those things and that's exactly what I get.
I just love it when something I know as an intellectual exercise becomes something I feel through my entire being. It is freeing and leaves me excited about life.
Such is the day I had. Whee!
I was left, though, with a fresh perspective on a couple of things.
One is that belief in any relationship model as the biologically approved one is suffering waiting to happen. Pair-bonded monogamy or wide-open rule-less loving aren't ends of some scale, they and any other model for relating are just descriptors for some set of behaviors and attitudes. Non better or worse than another. Biology has some say in our love lives, but the relationship models are culturally variable and not to be taken as a law of nature.
The other thing is something I've been playing with through Landmark Education for the last couple of years. I've gotten the idea and, now, I'm generalizing it more and more. In the world of group or social reality (where standard of living, love, success and so forth live), it is possible to have everything and anything you want. Utterly possible at that level of reality. You can have anything you want in your life that you can enroll others in your having.
I look at what I have and what I don't have but say I want. Then I look at my conversations around those things. It's one to one. Everything I want that I have, I speak as if there is nothing better than having it and other people are left excited by the idea that they too might have it.
But everything I say I want and don't have is a different story. For those things I complain. I am busy enrolling people in my suffering about those things and that's exactly what I get.
I just love it when something I know as an intellectual exercise becomes something I feel through my entire being. It is freeing and leaves me excited about life.
Such is the day I had. Whee!