To do or not to do

[outlier_lynn]

That is the question.

I've been thinking a lot lately. What's that you say?
Oh, okay. I've been thinking a lot more lately.

What is the value of "do."

Most of my life, "do" has been something that was created for me by the various social pressures that I either accepted or rebelled against. All my doing or lack of doing seemed to be an act of rebellion or a fight for survival and security. No passion in either.

Doing as an act of rebellion gave me the momentary feeling of control over the things in life over which we have no control. It felt powerful and lasted a very short time. Like a drug high. I had to rebell at ever higher doses to get the same effect. then it just stopped working.

Doing as an act of survival had me stay in the Navy until an opportunity for retirement. Then it had me doing other stuff I hated for several years. The doing of all these things didn't provide any security.

Even though I am quite clear about checking the why I want to before I commit to doing, I still feel powerfully drawn to "I should be doing something."

I think doing should be something that one is called to do by the way one is being. In being there is passion. The passion will generate the "doing."

I just need to get off the notion that one must always be "doing" to justify existence.

Love and Light,
Lynn

Comments

[firecat]

I still feel powerfully drawn to "I should be doing something."

Is it an internal being-drawn or an external "you should" being-drawn? When you say "powerfully drawn," it sounds internal.

I think doing should be something that one is called to do by the way one is being. In being there is passion. The passion will generate the "doing."

I recently was captured by a passion that generated a lot of "doing." But that ran its course more or less, and it doesn't happen very often for me, and I'm not sure I can make it happen more often, and I don't exactly want to be entirely passive when it's not happening, because I think that being un-passive, at least in an explorative sense, helps bring one into contact with things that one can become passionate about.

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

I create an expectation based on my perception of the how the world is, then think I should struggle to meet the expectation. That's the "powerfully drawn" part. It isn't real, though. I haven't checked it out with anyone. I figure out that I'm doing in that category when "I should" shows up in my thinking or conversation.

I spent a lot of years not having passion for anything. At some point I discovered that I was actually surpressing my emotions to keep from getting hurt. When I took the lid off (a slow, scarey and difficult project) I discovered passions all over the place. There were too many things I wanted to do and try all at once.

Love and Light,
Lynn

[firecat]

I discovered passions all over the place. There were too many things I wanted to do and try all at once.

How do you decide which ones to do and try?