Why I have avoided being a leader

[outlier_lynn]

When I advanced far along enough in the Navy to be the one in charge of some group, I quickly realized I hated being the one in charge. As I was typing the stuff behind the lj-cut, I had an insight. (That's how the stuff I started with is now behind the lj-cut.)

It's the political game that seem to come with "leader." I don't like the game, I'm not good at the game and I won't play the game.

I guess it is normal primate behavior. But it sucks. It matters not one bit if one chooses sides or remains neutral (there is no neutral, actually). It matters not if one is privy to all the "inside information" or not. It doesn't matter if one is even aware that the political maneuvering is going on. In the end, everyone loses. In the end, people lose friends. In the end, feelings are hurt. In the end, blame is assigned, reputations are ruined, and people are left a little more defensive.

It sucks. And not in a good way. Every group I have ever been part of -- high school chess and science clubs, the Navy (at every level of group), Mensa, Human Awareness Institute and Landmark Education and CI -- suffers, in some degree, from political drama. It sucks. I might feel differently if I liked playing those games and was good at it. I don't and I'm not.

I guess it is normal primate behavior. But I would rather it be more chimp than baboon and more bonobo than chimp. A lot more love and a lot less viciousness would be a good thing. A lot more above the table and a lot less below the belt. A lot more "my feeling are hurt" and a lot less "you are an asshole."

I've had a lot of training and some practice at not taking things personally. (I was a paranoid teen so I've come a long way!) It would be interesting to lead a group now with that training. It might look really ruthless in some circumstances. "Shit or get off the pot" and "What have you done lately" would be pretty common themes, I think. And some folks wouldn't like that at all. The "rules" for being in the group would be clearly spelled out and consequences clearly visible.


It might be an interesting test to be in charge of a group now. Not interesting enough, though.

Comments

[scixual.livejournal.com]

Boy, I hear that.

It would be good to have leaders who refuse to play the game.

[lizetta.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure it's possible not to play the game. You look very weak if you don't. Sometimes, things just get ugly

[crazed-lynn.livejournal.com]

Yes. Things can get really, really ugly. I don't think there is anything one can do to stop another from trying to play the power game.

The trick is to not play back. To keep up as much transparency as possible. I think you've done that to a great extent. You seek out advice and let people know what you are planning. I haven't been caught by surprise in anything important.

Doing your political stuff in the background so that when you bring something forward, it will go your way isn't the same thing as creating a climate of upset.

I have never been fond of hate campaigns. And maybe some people really do feel like they have been insulted and pissed on, but I don't see any vicious conspiracies coming from you.

You aren't playing the Drama game.

You had some serious crap happening in your life right after I joined cast in cluding real life threats. You worked very hard to keep it from spilling over onto the show.

You were up front about it with the cast and did what was needed. It is being up front about the drama that is important.