i've been thinking lately a fair bit about your posts. one thing that's becoming clear to me is that they're often too vague for me to say anything meaningful in reply.
when you say "that's the life i want" and point at interactions with jim and michelle, i have no idea what that means. not like it has to mean anything to me, mind -- i am not even entirely sure why you keep this journal. is it just to talk to yourself? why public then? is it to get different perspectives from people who care to participate? other reasons?
it sounds a lot to me like you're spinning your wheels, and that is guaranteed to bring out my fixer who wants to have indepth discussions about details and motivations, and come up with a plan of attack to solve the problem, *little grin*.
general musings:
there are claims of who one is, and perceptions of claims -- those are not the same in the way that the map is not the territory. and rarely is who one is etched in stone anyway. i know i am only partly who i want to be, and some of my effort in becoming who i want to be is expended in projecting the possible future self (in the assumption that playing a role, like repeating a mantra, will help me shape that future). it does not always succeed, and then i might give up on it entirely, or i might modify my expectations. to the outside this might well look like a lie. a lie, however, is a willful untruth; i don't do myself the disfavour of living a lot of lies. my personality and the way i live my life is a work in progress, however, and there might well be unknown untruths, or wishful thinking present.
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Re: Familiar Ground
when you say "that's the life i want" and point at interactions with jim and michelle, i have no idea what that means. not like it has to mean anything to me, mind -- i am not even entirely sure why you keep this journal. is it just to talk to yourself? why public then? is it to get different perspectives from people who care to participate? other reasons?
it sounds a lot to me like you're spinning your wheels, and that is guaranteed to bring out my fixer who wants to have indepth discussions about details and motivations, and come up with a plan of attack to solve the problem, *little grin*.
general musings:
there are claims of who one is, and perceptions of claims -- those are not the same in the way that the map is not the territory. and rarely is who one is etched in stone anyway. i know i am only partly who i want to be, and some of my effort in becoming who i want to be is expended in projecting the possible future self (in the assumption that playing a role, like repeating a mantra, will help me shape that future). it does not always succeed, and then i might give up on it entirely, or i might modify my expectations. to the outside this might well look like a lie. a lie, however, is a willful untruth; i don't do myself the disfavour of living a lot of lies. my personality and the way i live my life is a work in progress, however, and there might well be unknown untruths, or wishful thinking present.
expectations are such a bitch, aren't they.