![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I've been nursing a conversation along for several days. All of it in my head. Today, I shared it. I've been avoiding sharing it. Actively and with great success.
It would be the only place recently where success seems present. And that sucks.
I've noticed that mostly I have been only mildly moved, touched and inspired lately. Worse, though, is that my "possibility" isn't pulling me into action. That's a bad sign.
I'm still inspired by "love and compassion; the creation of love, peace and joy in every conversation," but I'm taking very little action to forward the action. And it inspires me not much at all for the day to day things in my life.
Most noticeably, it provides no juice actions to get Be The Change off the ground. I've not stopped taking action, but the few actions I'm taking are not effective.
This is leaving me frustrated and sad. I'm feeling separate and alien again. And resigned and cynical. (Unlike soldiers, Old conversations never die. They don't even fade away.) When I'm cynical, the people around me deal with my bristles. That leaves them a little less that excited by my presence. I'll read every comment or glance wrong and respond badly.
Granted, my dips aren't what they use to be. Nobody has run screaming from me in a long time. :) Still, if I want certain results in my life, I better create some possibility that can fuel the required actions, right? Of course, right.
The possibility I'm inventing for myself and my life is the possibility of being passionate.
Once upon a time, passion was part of my "love and compassion" possibility. Dropping it out wasn't a good idea. :)
It would be the only place recently where success seems present. And that sucks.
I've noticed that mostly I have been only mildly moved, touched and inspired lately. Worse, though, is that my "possibility" isn't pulling me into action. That's a bad sign.
I'm still inspired by "love and compassion; the creation of love, peace and joy in every conversation," but I'm taking very little action to forward the action. And it inspires me not much at all for the day to day things in my life.
Most noticeably, it provides no juice actions to get Be The Change off the ground. I've not stopped taking action, but the few actions I'm taking are not effective.
This is leaving me frustrated and sad. I'm feeling separate and alien again. And resigned and cynical. (Unlike soldiers, Old conversations never die. They don't even fade away.) When I'm cynical, the people around me deal with my bristles. That leaves them a little less that excited by my presence. I'll read every comment or glance wrong and respond badly.
Granted, my dips aren't what they use to be. Nobody has run screaming from me in a long time. :) Still, if I want certain results in my life, I better create some possibility that can fuel the required actions, right? Of course, right.
The possibility I'm inventing for myself and my life is the possibility of being passionate.
Once upon a time, passion was part of my "love and compassion" possibility. Dropping it out wasn't a good idea. :)