Dear Business Owner

Just writing to let you know how nice your Customer Care Representative (CCR) was on our call about my recent problem with your product. He was personable and seemed genuinely interested in my issues and concerns. I felt like there was a personal connection. You have done a wonderful job in hiring and training empathetic CCRs. It felt like I had spoken to my father or older brother.

And, like my father or older brother, your CCR didn't know a damn thing about your product specifically or the software industry in general. Might as well have been talking to a wall. If every question I ask has to be kicked up two or three levels of support, you really need to just give me a goddamn rep who can deal with the issues on the first call.

If I ask a question that deviates at all from the scripts in the pleasant fellows notebook (or online triage matrix), he becomes pleasantly confused and sweetly confusing.

I don't need a friend to call when my phones go dead or I need a question answered about some little used configuration options, I need an expert on the product. He can curse me for my stupidity for all I care as long as my problem is resolved quickly.

I don't need someone who cannot help unless I boot up a Windows machine and give your rep remote access through it to my entire internal network. JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION. Yes, I'm talking to you, swann.com.

Sincerely,
SysAdmin