Yep. I am.

I'm an idealist. For the purposes of this essay, it's a bad thing. :)

I'm in and out of upset right now because something that seems so clear and obvious to me isn't clear and obvious to others. And some of them are angry. it somehow always feels a little personal when someone is angrily opposed to some opinion I have.

Funny though, that I seem to think it is fine for me to be angry with them for not agreeing with me. :)

The problem with being an idealist isn't the commitment that comes with it. The problem is that idealism is a moral stance. It's a picture of ideals held by the idealist. In other words, it carries with it the taint of "How it should be."

"Should." It's a word I continue to use -- although less frequently as time goes by.

It would be fine if I always held my ideal future for humanity as "I'd like it to go this way" rather than "it must go this way."

I am by my history a judgemental son of a bitch. It is only by remembering that, can I live in love and compassion. And it is the only way I can give up idealism in favor of inspiration and commitment.

It's not the goal that I want anyway, it's the journey.

Love.

Sigh

Just returned from the orthopedics clinic. They said nothing good and many things bad. I am officially one of the 21 million Americans with osteoarthritis. Hips and knees. Mild, so far, in hips and right knee. Moderate to severe in left knee.

I'm feeling old. And at the moment, I am unwilling to go gracefully into this "lifestyle change."