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outlier_lynn

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December 20th, 2004

outlier_lynn: (Default)
Monday, December 20th, 2004 08:47 am
It took me a long time to get to sleep. I'll blame the coffee. :)

On the other hand, I think I understand sexual lust a little better. The food-craving analogy didn't work real well for me, but it did cause me to think about lust and craving again.

lust. n. 2.a. An overwhelming desire or craving
craving. n. A consuming desire; a yearning

When I think about sexual lust, I have no trouble thinking about the drive for physical and psychological pleasure that I've always thought of as the primary aspect of it. I suppose I think of it as primary because that is missing for me. Sexual activity does not hit the pleasure centers of my brain.

If I drop out the physical part of my personal definitions, I see a connection to how I love. Too bad sexual lust is more socially acceptable.

That would account for the reaction I often get from people I love intensely.
outlier_lynn: (Default)
Monday, December 20th, 2004 09:58 am
I'm reading "The Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon. It won the 2004 Nebula Award for Best Novel.

I'm only at page 42. So far we are in the head of Lou Arrendale, a high functioning autistic. Aspects of Lou's processing are just a little too familiar to suit me.
outlier_lynn: (Default)
Monday, December 20th, 2004 10:27 am
I was talking with Eric a day or two ago about an issue on which I seem to be at one extreme or the other but never in the middle like an electron shifting from one orbit to another.

Is my whole life given by that way of being? Am I an extremist in everything I do? Am I always in for the pound or not in at all on every issue?

And is this why I become discouraged in every pursuit?

And what does that say about the quality of my love?

Have I no moderation?

It might be time to do mind numbing drugs. :)
outlier_lynn: (Default)
Monday, December 20th, 2004 08:27 pm
How many different people from different parts of my life are going to tell me the same thing before I even consider that my conclusions might be a bit tainted and biased? How long to I stand my ground in a losing game?

Well, if wishing were horses, my house would be filled with grade A horse shit.