When it was important to me that Jan thought highly of me (long before courting her was even a thought), I was doing things that were important to her. As an example, I went with her to Black's Beach to meet her "group" and to play volley ball. I was better than I remembered. :) I played long (for me) and hard. Then I collapsed in pain. Folks thought I was having a heart attack. Between gasps, I managed to convince them I wasn't. I'll tell you, my rib muscles hurt like hell. :) I was so obviously trying to win her favor that she thought it was cute.
With no romantic thoughts or of anything sexual remaining, I'm doing it again with Amy, I'm trying to prove I'm a real boy. The good thing is that I like doing the things I'm doing to win Amy's attention. I've turned back into a handyman. Something I had all but given up several years ago. And I like it. I'm reminding myself of my dad. And that is a very good thing.
The observer part of my brain is having a great time laughing at me while I'm working so hard to position myself to look good to Amy. Even with no desire for a romantic connection with her, I'm playing the "my genetic coding is a good one" game. It's fun to be at the mercy of my monkey brain.
Today I fixed the front gate and a washer machine. I scratched and petted a dog. Then I watched a few minutes of Truck on Spike TV and thought about a beer. I watched the mechanic get a 50 year old truck running and put new airbag suspension on a Chevy S10. (When did low riders become mainstream gringo style?) Made me nostalgic for my dad's 1960 Dodge pickup. I loved that truck. I learned to drive in that truck. It had a granny gear. I felt like a real man driving that truck. I loaded it with our trash cans and drove to the county dump when I was 12. :) I was so lucky. :)
I'm a boy. There's just no doubt about it. :)
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