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outlier_lynn

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April 29th, 2004

outlier_lynn: (Default)
Thursday, April 29th, 2004 09:09 am
Off to model this morning.

Tony and Scix must have gotten better offers last night. They bunked out, as we used to say. I had the room to myself. Didn't make any difference to me. Scix would have loved it, though.

The good news is that since the doctor gave me all kinds of things to deal with my sinuses, I have not had a sinus headache or even sinus pressure. That's cool. The bad news, though, is that my nose has not stopped running, either. I am a mucus making machine. And I'm sick of it. Post nasal drip and the accompanying cough are driving my nuts. (no fun when trying to hold a pose for 20 minutes either.

I had a dream last night. I am not sure that dreaming is a good trade off for getting rid of apnea. Last night's dream wasn't a nightmare, but it was not pleasant. I vaguely remember dreams like this when I was a kid. Anyway, the people most important in my life had formed a circle around me. They were telling me all the ways I had let them down or hurt them. It was like the Chinese Water Torture. The plan was to keep going until I went mad.

Interestingly enough, a part of my mind was ranking the participants. Who was I most upset about having in that circle. I was a little surprised by the answer. Neither Amy nor Michelle was in the top slot. Nope. That slot held my sister. I was also a bit surprised by who wasn't in the group! That part was actually a little disturbing. There are some folks who I consider important in my life. It turns out, they aren't important for who they are, but for what they bring to the party. I would not be upset if they suddenly weren't in my life.

Except for the taunting part of it, this had the feel of a shamanic journey. A feeling I haven't felt in a few years. Maybe that, too, is a sign I need to "mend my ways."

Love.
outlier_lynn: (Default)
Thursday, April 29th, 2004 04:33 pm
And soon it begins. 1.5 hours 'til the SELP classroom. Then, with only four or five to sleep in the middle of the the next four nights, my days are completely full. I'm happy and not, ready and willing and not. Alert and tired. Happy and grumpy.

but it will all come out in the wash.

Love.