'Twas a good night

I let the story and the accompanying sadness arrive last night. It washed over and through me. All the conversations about how unworthy I am. All the conversations in which people would say they love me but whose actions put that to the lie.

I was turning down love because it wasn't the love I wanted.

This morning my head is clear and possibility has returned. whew. :)

Two things characterized this bout of depression and self pity. It was very short lived. And, more importantly, I think, it didn't stop me. I was still moving on all fronts even during the worst of it.

( A thought about belonging )

Just had a Bingo moment

When I have my little fits of "nobody loves me," there's a little game I've programmed myself to play.

It starts with the imagined concern that nobody loves me. Then I set out to prove it. How? I withdraw. I back away slowly at first. When nobody "notices" I declare a victory. I was right! Nobody loves me!

Of course, the game is bullshit and those conclusions/rules are really bullshit.

This time, I caught myself in the game. Next time, and there is always a next time, I'll spot it even quicker.

(no subject)

I've had a refreshingly wonderful day.

Car battery is probably crap in the geo, though. sigh.