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To forgive is defined by dictionary.com as
The most common use of forgive, as evidenced by the order of the definitions, has us excusing an offense. I think this is the least useful aspect of forgiving.
I am more more interested in the second definition. Peter Sandhill, a Human Awareness Institute facilitator, says, "forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better yesterday." And in giving up that hope, we can create a future that isn't just more of our past.
To give up the "right" to be pissed at what someone has done to us, we can move passed the upset and STILL hold the offender responsible for reparations.
To require punishment before being willing to forgive isn't forgiveness. It's revenge. Requiring a penalty for an offense, sin, or fault might seem like a way to get closure, but closure comes only from within. And it arrives only when one is willing to forgive from definition 2.
I watch the drama that comes and goes in my communities. I see people who don't hold a grudge and others who won't let go of one. And it is clear which group has a greater level of peace of mind and general happiness. It is a matter of forgiveness -- the act of letting go of the anger or resentment.
And the offender can still be held to account for the offense. For those who forgive, though, punishment is generally not the what is sought. Some sort of reparations is the goal. Those who are willing to forgive lean more heavily toward Restorative Justice than they do to Retributive Justice. And that, by my philosophy, is a very good thing.
Read more about Restorative Justice .
1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
The most common use of forgive, as evidenced by the order of the definitions, has us excusing an offense. I think this is the least useful aspect of forgiving.
I am more more interested in the second definition. Peter Sandhill, a Human Awareness Institute facilitator, says, "forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better yesterday." And in giving up that hope, we can create a future that isn't just more of our past.
To give up the "right" to be pissed at what someone has done to us, we can move passed the upset and STILL hold the offender responsible for reparations.
To require punishment before being willing to forgive isn't forgiveness. It's revenge. Requiring a penalty for an offense, sin, or fault might seem like a way to get closure, but closure comes only from within. And it arrives only when one is willing to forgive from definition 2.
I watch the drama that comes and goes in my communities. I see people who don't hold a grudge and others who won't let go of one. And it is clear which group has a greater level of peace of mind and general happiness. It is a matter of forgiveness -- the act of letting go of the anger or resentment.
And the offender can still be held to account for the offense. For those who forgive, though, punishment is generally not the what is sought. Some sort of reparations is the goal. Those who are willing to forgive lean more heavily toward Restorative Justice than they do to Retributive Justice. And that, by my philosophy, is a very good thing.
Read more about Restorative Justice .