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outlier_lynn

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Sunday, March 14th, 2004 07:12 pm
I have studied many models of human behavior and I've participated in many seminars and workshops designed to uncover or create personal truths.

I know that nothing is forever. I know that what we have in the moment is all that we have for there might not be a next moment. I know I can create love for myself in an instant. I can fall deeply in love easily. I practice both skills as often as possible.

I know what it means to love and to be in love and I know what it doesn't mean. I know that love will not conquer all or provide life eternal. I know all that with my intellect. I know it as surely as I know that we are primates first and poets second.

I know that we have created strong myths around lust and love.

And with all that knowing, I also know that I want to believe in love eternal. I allow myself to almost believe. I allow myself to be swept up in the feelings of love. And I know there will be pain. It is at those times I strive to remember that the dream is just a dream. That my pain is just a reaction to the dream turned nightmare.

And yet, I will believe again. I must believe again. It is loving that gives me a reason to exist. I will surrender to love always, I will gladly suffer the inevitable disillusion. I will accept the end of romance for the chance at romance again.

There is no life in the numb existence that I would create by giving up.

So I will love. I will love in the face of no love. I will love in the face of the hopeless and powerless. I will love. I will shine my love into every corner of despair and resignation. I will never go loveless again.

And I will cry when presented with Lost Love stories and lyrics.

I will ache when those I love ache over the lost dream.

It is love that creates me. It is love that destroys me. I will live and love as strongly as I can every minute that I can. I will allow myself the personal indulgence of being in love.

And I will dream the impossible dream, but I won't really believe. Not really. Just enough. Just enough to feel and to cry. To long and to pine. Enough for unbounded joy and crushing pain.

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